Everybody (still) Loves Gangu
Saturday, June 10, 2006
8:25 PM 6/9/2006
Hi I'm Abhilash Gangadharan and I'd like to introduce myself before I officially start blogging.
I'm a "normal" 19 year old guy doing B.Tech Biotechnology Genetic Engineering in A.A.I.D.U which is my college and as it should be obvious until otherwise stated all events mentioned here would have taken place in the university as I'll be spending the next three years of my life there.
I'm a malayalee and as all ex AAIDUites as well as the present ones would know.I'm a part of the Malli Community. No greater dubious honour could have been bestowed on me. I was introduced on the first day itself to the community very subtly without being made aware that there was an organization as such. I was shown what was apparently to turn out in the weeks to follow a mere facade. The Mallis lived as one big happy family with everyone looking out for everyone else and the juniors(2nd yrs) affectionately referring to the seniors as Aliyan(means sister's Husband).The juniors walked with the seniors hands on shoulder. All very buddy-buddy which was the rosy side of the picture, The Dark Side Of The Moon ala Pink Floyd was yet to come.
I bumped into the Floyd ideal very soon. Second day of going into class and while coming back we bumped into one of our seniors Deepak Babu and another senior 2 inches shorter than me with a face that truly was... well the dark side of the moon. If you haven't understood yet well I think the two things Neil Armstrong said after landing on the moon verbatim was"A small step for man and a giant leap for mankind" and "Gosh the moon is full of holes!! it looks smooth and pretty only from far off!!". Well so now that you might've comprehended and contemplated the personal beauty of this imperious female who goes by the name of Anu Joseph and is renowned for her dancing skills, ability to manipulate innocent and unsuspecting Direct Keralas with her child-like innocence (she can be charming sometimes) and having Jithin Sam George under the tip of her thumb.
Well I should stop being unfair to girls shouldn't I?? Well let's talk about my seniors.
The first Malli senior we met was a second year Electronics student masquerading as a First year. During our ragging time this guy was one of the three people in the catharsis\counsellor team he went by the name Jacob Mathew for us but for all practical purposes he went by the Name Alexander George James Bond 007 The Spy.
To put it straight he was a barometer cum informer to inform our torturers whether there was an mass uprising of any sort and to read the general sentiment of the group. He faithfully reported all that we people did and if we ever did bitch about them .
Took us a month and a half to find the worm but by then it was too little too late.He is a nice guy generally as we found after freshie tea and minds his own business and doesn't give much priority to the community as compared to Tinu P Titus.
He is one wheezing,brain-washed misguided direct Keralite All-For-Community kind of person who has been very conveniently short sightened by THE GREAT Mr. Jojo Joseph also referred to affectionately as Varkey by TPT(i.e. Tinu P Titus). Tinu has been so inspired and Lobotomally Surf Excel-led by Jojo that I guess he is ready to leave his family and settle with the community if he sees it as a good thing for the community. I have many bones to pick with him... I'll pick it later you see I have all the space in the blog to bitch(truthfully ofcourse) about him later.As the chain-linking process continues let me describe JOJO THE GREAT.
Jojo joseph was the first senior in the Malli group of fourth years to adopt me and become my Godfather. I think he took sympathy to my behavior then. During ragging time I was this dim-witted boy who did not understand explicit sex-talk and was thought to be uneducated in all worldly matters as well.My suggestions were never taken seriously ofcourse and all senior thought I was dumb and No Fun to rag since I was as meek as a cow and obeyed their every instruction including one to eat a fly. They dared me and I simply swatted one and popped it into my mouth. The look of revulsion and sudden fear that came and went on their faces in succession I shall not forget.One second they were goading me to eat the fly and in the next pleading begging in panicky tones to spit it out and go gargle and sanitise my mouth. After that nobody as much thought of giving me any such challenges as they knew I would be game.So no one really knew what I was upto. I was as much a dimwit infront of my batch mates as in front of the seniors and nobody really knew what was in my mind.
Jojo if you leave aside his propensity to intensely hate women and have an extreme aversion to outgoing females(read Supriya Alex) he is a kind of nice guy. You spend half an hour alone talking to him and he'll brainwash you so well you won't realize until it's too late ofcourse. I don't know how he does the brain-washing but a couple of pointers I've picked are...
1. He placates your ego first and makes you realize that you are the most important person in the world. Not only to yourself but you are important to other people in the world as well and that your opinion about any subject matters to Jojo The Great(even if he doesn't give two hoots to what you are saying).
2. By this time you are sufficiently in awe of him and then he brings God into the picture.He makes you realize(as if you didn't already know) that God has created you for a specific purpose in this world and it is your duty to fulfill it.
3.Then he somehow convinces you (I still haven't figured how he does this) that your duty somehow lies in doing work for the community.HE'll tell you that the community is your family for the next four years and that everything you do should and must benefit the community,And then he goes on to bring God into this again saying that God wants you to uphold the community it's honour and pride are the community members and that they should not do anything unbecoming to the community(for example talking to Out Of Community Seniors).
A small note on his good qualities. The man is an excellent artist and possesses a high degree of creative ability and imagianation and makes life like pictures if only the talent was channelled to a more useful purpose...Chain-linking continues
Deepak Samuel- you know sometimes it happens that you sit down to write about a person and words fail you. I mean that guy is such a dick that I doubt if he has one. If I had to choose between shooting a rabid dog and Dickpak AssMule I would shoot Deepak coz he is a person who'll drive you insane by playing on your emotions and mind and totally psyche you out. Unlike the rabies virus which penetrates the blood brain barrier and infects your brain and drives you mad. (And then ofcourse the rabid dog, double barrel shotgun eh??)
So I think you get an idea of the person that he is.
No you still don't see He has a Ph.D in exploitation He thinks girls are only for use and throw (kariyam sadhichu kazhinitu)Well Ansa Raju is one lucky female [With The Swiiiingiing Hipps] I'd rather call her "The Swinging Hippopotamus" and a short poem dedicated to her
Edi Ansa Rajuay
Curly Hair
Very Unfair
Eyes are Black
Buns are Slack
Ass is too
Both aren't lovely
And have curly black hair too
Erepalli Words-worthless Shortfellow a.k.a Deepak Samuel
As you see this poem has a rhyming scheme of ABBCCDAD which is totally irrelevant in the present circumstances but for reader edification this much I simblee have to do... The guy will never keep his word guaranteed and he is a cut-throat competitor and doesn't forgive easily He'll act all close to you and everything. At the crucial point he'll pull out the rug from under your feet and give you a kick in the ass.(I wanna see the day he kicks Ansa Raju he'll rebound to the other end of the Universe (Perfectly elastic collision with an object much heavier that the colliding object causes the colliding object to reverse direction completely and rebound according to Conservation of momentum principle).
Don't feel like writing much about him because it's bringing back bad memories. All I have to say is that he is one person I'd maintain a distance of a couple of Parsecs. Before I go any further on the sordid and morbid discussions about the insanitites,inanities,assoholism and dick headedness of my seniors as well as the Malli community I'd like to make one thing very, very crystal clear.
I'm not prejudiced...I have been on both the sides and that too deeply involved. I have been a die-hard patriot of the community (nims deja vu eh?)and repeatedly and regrettably been a champion opposer of any attempts by my batchmates to leave the community(again deja vu). I have actually spent time(rather wasted) convincing them that the community is good for them and that we should stay in the community for our own good.After seeing the bad side of being in the community and being disappointed and driven to the edge of reason after seeing the underhand vested interests in the scheme of things and the total general lack of morality and behavioral inpropriety in front of the people we look upto.I left..
To tell the truth I got tired of hearing the same sex-talk about girls the crude innuendoes and dirty comments that they used to describe girls while ogling at them on Lovers Lane during DT time. I never used to go for this Malli activity as I thought it personally degrading to myself and my capabilities which I can confidently say that I could go up to any of these chicks they would ogle at and start a conversation and become friends.Wouldn't take me five minutes.(I'm charming enough...Nimmy will testify to it..).
I mean talking about female body parts 4y x 12m x 365d x 24h x 60m x 3600s was not what I had in mind when I came to this University. I did have a desire to study and do something useful coz in school I was this totally vella kind of guy who did everything else other than study and I did want to do something useful...I tried to distance myself from the community I became friendly with a nice second year guy Aaron James. I reckon I became his chief technical advisor after I fixed his amplifier for him and he let me have a free hand on all the components he had.
And I used to spend more and more time at his room. Aaron, Enoch, Rohan, Ebenezer, Ashish Das and Lun had this rock band called Elektra and they used to start at evening 7pm and go on till 2am with practice. Trying to get sleep was hard enough but when I heard them singing the song Numb(Linkin Park) off-scale I was outraged and banged outside their door and demanded to be let in and I told them either they sing the song right or not make noise.(You see I was getting to listen to rock after a long time and I didn't mind skipping sleep for it. I was let into the room and allowed a place to sit and except for occasionally going out to fill water I had nothing much to do except hear the songs and have a nice time.Then two nights later I got and opportunity to sing Numb with instruments et al I did the rap and the other vocals all alone that's when I found out that I could actually sing on track speed and sounded good too. That's because all of them were looking at me in a daze and congratulating me and slapping my back and all. Honestly after a long time it felt nice to be appreciated...Through Aarun I met Anant Bhaiya. One day Aarun told me that Anant wanted my soldering machine. I told him that I don't know his room plus it was ragging time and We had been forbidden to roam around in NH. He told me NH 76 and to get there fast. I went ther and knocked once the door slid half open Bhaiya's(that's how I'll refer to him in the rest of the article) head popped out. He took the soldering machine and I left.Next day I needed the machine and it wasn't back yet from 76 I went to Aarun and asked him. He told me to go to Bhaiya's room. I followed his advice and went there. He was still using it and trying to solder a guitar lead. I watched for a couple of minutes and then I asked him whether I could do it. He said " Beta bacchon ka kaam nahin hai " but anyway he gave me a try and I finished it in 30 secs. He said "beta ab thu he hamare sare lead teekh karega". That way I became his official repairman. Once I skipped lunch to fix 8 guitar leads from the scratch!!. 8 guitar leads is 2 jacks per lead and 2 solderings per jack that is 32 solderings!! man and that too from scratch. But that's when we got talking. He asked me whether I was being ragged.
Cautious that I was I replied "yeah a bit". He looked at me with a sardonic smile and told me " Beta sab patha hai hamein. Yahan malliyon ki sabse zyaada ragging hothi hai ". That's when I comprehended and I was stunned...Everything hit me all at once and I couldn't handle it. I went back to soldering (lead, tin and tears) and silently contemplated what I had heard. Bhaiya left and I finally figured out something that had been staring at me in the face only I had been so blind to it. We had been subjugated and brain-washed to believe that we were being ragged the least. Everything that we had been told by Mallis was a lie. The North Indians were the Nicest people around and the Mallis were the villians. Anyway I started planning on how to get out of the mess I was in..First thing I did was I told my Dad everything. Later when our seniors asked us whether we had told our parents I raised my hand, Deepak Samuel asked what all did I tell. I was like "everything including the Lewd malli songs you taught us". A sudden silence descended on the room sabki fatti thi yeh toh mooh pe saaf dikh raha tha. Dikpak AssMule managed to croak "Everything??". I bestowed all of them with one of my most classic, innocent broad smiles that so many people like (Sharief bhaiya,Smiley,Bincy,Rebecca,Supriya and Nimmy). But for a moment they recovered saying " You are fooling us aren't you??". Once again my "I'm innocent and I'm an angel" smile came to my rescue.My seniors looked positively horrified and they all came later for private sessions later and asked me what I had said to my father about all of them. Man I thoroughly enjoyed that and also watching all my seniors go into hiding as soon as they saw my Dad on LL. I mean Man it was Fun, loads of Fun. for once I managed to get back at them completely...
MY "GETTING OUT" PROCESS
I became friendly with Anant Bhaiya and used to go in and have a talk. He was another reason I didn't go insane during ragging time. Man one funny guy he was with all the jokes and anecdotes he made me even forget that I was with a senior. For the first time I felt totally comfortable and I let the real me come out. The one I had been hiding under the cover of being an idiotic bumpkin. I used to go to his room more often and once Dikpack AssMule saw me and that day he strictly forbade me to go. For a week due to the ragging I couldn't go and I was again bordering on the edge when in a very pleasant suprise atleast to me Anant bhaiya came to OH 15 we were all being ragged. Bhaiya understood, he had just come to take the soldering machine but seeing me he called me and told them he had work for me. No one objected and I went with him to his room. There he gave me work and entertained me as well. We both knew that he had just saved my ass from ragging there. Something I can never be thankful enough for.... He gave me advice on how to deal with them and gave me an environment. Sitting in his room and with him telling me all the stories about the Third years and everything I found that I wasn't at all attached to the community it was just that I had been conditioned to believe that I wasn't capable of independent existence. Anant bhaiya was and will always be my favourite senior(I'm not kissing his ass and neither do I need to) not because he gifted me with a Fender plectrum but because he was the eye-opener for me and made m feel useful atleast in a small way. Cause once I asked him to pay me for repairing the leads and he told me that those leads were for praise and worship and that I was doing it for God. For the first time I felt so nice and important.This guy actually made me feel that my talents were useful and that I could do something constructive.Those bloody mallis whenever they used to see me at work with the solder iron they would be like why the hell did you take biotech? you oombald biotech is useless (jackfruit,mango) and all that I mean no appreciation only deprecation that's what the community does to inspired Mallis.
HOW DOES THE COMMUNITY SUBJUGATE YOU?
Another thing the community does to make you stay in it is convince you that you cannot do anything on your own you'll need the community's help for it. Every talent of yours is useless if the community does not appreciate it and your talent talent cannot acquire and fame or glory for you if it is not presented at any public function under the banner of Malli Community (Action Squad). So for the first time when I got appreciation I was honestly amazed cause my self-esteem had been made so low (without my knowledge) even though I had a cover of being a dumbass that I felt touched by the appreciation and then it didn't take me too long to realize that the community had been using the same tactics to break us down that were used in Auschwitz concentration camps during Adolf Hitler's dictatorship which were...
1. Being present with us 24x7 and never leaving us alone so that we might be able to think for ourselves and figure out what was happening to us.
2. Depriving us of the 8hrs of sleep that are so essential for any brain to be able to process efficiently.
3. Using Double Speak(for references please read 1984-George Orwell) to confuse and confound us.
4. Blurring the lines between right and wrong.
5. Thinking for us instead of letting us think for ourselves
6. Endless hours of Physical torture of the Imaginary Chair and Sit-up's.
7. Physical Intimidation and The I'm Right You're Wrong I'm Big you're small I'm Smart you're dumb kind of verbal degradation.
8. Telling us about the world outside which was according to them filled with homosexuals who would rag us and rape us or something like that which made much more effect.
9. We were also told that ragging was the only way to get friendly with the Juniors and that the more you got ragged by a senior the more friendly you would get with him. Well this might be true for psyching but physical ragging atleast for me has left me blindly hating the individuals and
10. Prejudicing you about the rest of the world and telling you repeatedly that the community is the best thing that could ever happen to you.
11. Systematically they isolate you from all your North Indian friends by sticking around with you longer and longer and then calling you away from your North Indian friends at which point due to the loyalty to community clause you have to leave your friends and follow them.This requirement had caused a lot of resentment among my friends but when I told them about my situation even they were like "Tell the community to Fuck off We people are there for you" Wish I Had followed their advice then..
12. They create misunderstandings between you and your batchmates and create an intricate web of plottings that can very easily damage friendships that you've made recently.They do this by creating an atmosphere of distrust between you and your batchmates so that none of you trust each other and all of you stay divided and Divided you fall..I had endured ragging very meekly without protest because I had somewhat been convinced by Jojo and Co. that all this torture and ragging actually builds character and makes you stronger and more emotionally stable.(My ass, All it did was leave scars).And for once I wished after coming to this university to talk something meaningful to someone. Find someone who shared my interests and had the same plane of thought.... Delhi had been so much more easier the people there were modern enough so that you would have atleast one topic in common to talk about but here all the Direct Kerala Malli seniors could talk about seemed to be either female biology or plain bullshit.I was lucky enough to meet this senior in the fourth week itself cause if I hadn't met him I would have gone insane. His name was Jijo and although he had been present every day of the ragging time I hadn't gotten friendly with him or anything cause he is a reserved kind of guy.Well this is how we became friendly. Once I was alone in the room and enjoying some peace and having a chance to be myself for a change and I was singing Dream Theater's Pull Me Under. Suddenly this guy comes in and I get up to wish him and then continue with my song and then suddenly becoming self-aware I stopped. He was listening intently and then he asked me what song I had been singing. I replied thinking "What does this guy know about metal well anyway just for his edification and knowledge I'll tell him "Pull me Under" I replied. He asked me for the band I replied Dream Theater. He was amazed for a second and then He asked me "you listen to Metal?" with quiet reservation I said "YES" he was like "man you are my brother from today you are the first person I met in the batch who listens to metal".Then we got talking about out favorite songs and rock bands as it turned out he was an aspiring rocker and was learning how to play the guitar and figuring out leads. He wasn't very good at it back then but now two semesters later I can rank him as one of the top 10 guitarists in AAIDU and he is learning fast... Anyways we got talking and he did not rag me or anything he told me that all he wanted was to be friendly with the juniors and he was waiting for ragging time to end so that he could freely interact with all of them anyway he was quite free with me and before long we got talking about our lives and he told me about his brother Rejo who was an excellent guitarist as well(mind you this is no exaggeration for all those who've heard Cemetery Gates by Pantera this guy can play the whole lead at track speed and he's talented with music sense as well).Well as things turned out Jijo was a loner and preferred the company of his guitar. Me and him used to sit for hours discussing music and singing songs.Music provided me the comfort I needed and an outlet for all the despair in me. With him I forgot all about ragging and all the pain and I just enjoyed music. I had a good ear for guitar leads and i would tell him about where something was missing or going wrong and in turn he taught me to sing in timing with the songs rhythms he was playing. Little did I know that this would be the beginnings of the association that would lead to the eventual formation of our band DisTuned formerly named Fret Buzz...Enough said about this now I'll come to the band later...So this guy was the first person in AAIDU to know that I wasn't as dumb as I affected because as metal heads would agree, listening to metal takes lots of brains and if you have none to spare you better avoid it.The second person who took pity on my lack of dignity and self-respect, and apparently low self-esteem,self-deprecating and degrading table manners and habits was Bonny Babychen. He also became my Godfather
(Before I go any further I would like to publicise my illustrious list of Godfathers.In sequential order it goes Jojo Joseph,Bonny Babychen, Anish Baby,Jijo,Sreejith)In AAIDu there is a proverb, modified ofcourse "A junior is known by the godfathers he keeps". I was the first one to have more than one godfather and I'll tell you. No more did I want this honour than to have cows fly.When I presented this list of Godfathers to the Third Years (2005-06) then their eyes narrowed and I was regarded very suspiciously by all of them.
Bonny Babychen was down in the dumps and in total despair when I met him. His girl friend had just become his ex-girlfriend and the constant teasing and taunting by the second years wasn't exactly helping him. I played a role I often had to play in Delhi. The role of"She-ditched-me-now what-should-I-do" Counselor. It was from this guy that I got my first description of the "smart","sexy","sensous",Seven who called themselves the Lethal Seven. Seven I don't doubt that they are but lethal???phuleeez I can make those girls blush and change colour faster than a female octopus in heat, which for the record has eight legs with parasitic sucker cups(and are hermaphroditic meaning they can change sex {Reba told me this I'm not really sure but she is usually always right in whatever she says.}The tentacles function might quite accurately describe Rachna, Anu, Divya, Diana, Shino, Shincy and Shiljo. Well for all practical purposes it may be safely assumed that the "Lethal" Seven is nothing more dangerous than a handicapped octopus.(Again for the edification of the readers I might add that a seven tentacled octopus can also kill by pulling you underwater.) So they are to be handled with care.Come to think of it I personally like only two people in the Seven. Shino is nice, atleast to me and so is Shiljo. Shincy I don't know very well. About the rest of them. Everything can be heard off the record if you come to AAIDU!!
Footnote: Only one of the lethal Seven has exhibited the hermaphroditic,transvestite phenomenon and that was Shino who twirled Anu around like a Top much like the way Anu twirls Jithin at the tip of her little finger at the Karale ente Karalinte Karale dance on the Malli Farewell Yatramuzhi. In that she dressed up as a male artiste and looked amazingly He-eish. I'll keep you updated on any moustaches they grow. Among 2nd year males.Jomi is one nice guy and Nimmy's downtrodden brother. The guy is very friendly and a lovable chap. Tech savvy he is.He was the one who taught me all the Cellphone tech. He is the drummer of our band and he is learning fast. I personally haven't found any faults with him and He is one of those people who have become profound thinkers after coming to this place. I'd trust him with anything which is a lot more than I would like to say about the rest of themSreejith likes coffee(malli slang for rear nookie)Reji Thomas is one fun guy to be around I mean I can spend any amount of time with him and not be bored if he wasn't so addicted to nicotine. He'll make you laugh by making caricatures of all the Seniors and Juniors and teachers. The way he attacks the Lethal Seven is outrageous I mean he can imitate Divya's voice and Anu's actions. He is the second victim that I know of the Lethal Seven and neither do I need to mention who the tentacle was...(Gladwin would know). He is the only guy in second year I know who knows Nimmy Eapen and likes her too and thinks that she is the best (ahem..) Girl in the whole of Malli girls(1st-4th years).Johnson Samuel is from Nagaland and knows a lot of the North-East languages. He is a great follower of Marquis de Sade.I don't know much about him except that he minds his own business and is a good rhythm guitarist and also our band member. I don't care what people say but the guy is really friendly to me so for me he is a nice guy.Shinu is a pastor's son and shows all signs of fighting off his inherited holy halo. He along with Alex Oomen one Sunday they kept Unholy the Day Of The Sabbath. Nobody will ever forget it because the facts were made public on the day of the Malli Farewell.Sujith- I've never been very close to him or anything and all I can say is he is too religious. I mean remember that I mentioned earlier that I don't blur the lines between faith,science and rationality. Well this guy brings God into everything. Not that I mind, I mean to each man his own degree of faith.What business do I have commenting on it???Bonny is an excellent vocalist ala GNR William Axl Rose in Knockin On Heaven's door. Personally being my Godfather and my best senior there in AAIDU I should refrain from praising him since that might make me look prejudiced. But He is a nice guy and the only person I really care about because once when I had fever and I couldn't eat anything because I was too weak to go even to the mess. This guy fed me with his own hands mashed potatoes and Roti that is one thing I can never forget that not even one senior cared and this guy took care of me that day and gave me cold presses and medicines. I could go on writing about him but for the purpose of this blog I would consider it unsuitable.Tinu P Titus yeah now I come to the point where I can pick a bone with him. This @$$#0!e took my Solo pocket file and hasn't returned it yet.Now there is this phenomemon called the Freshie Diary which has to made strictly in according to MSO-0420 specifications (Malli Suckers Organisation). The specifications are Bond paper, Hardback covering, Border decorations on every page and Golden Spiral Binding. Well the cost was to be borne equally by all, but the initial cost had to borne by somebody and unwillingly I was the idiot dragged into it...1200 Rupees!!! can you imagine for one stupid Diary and I had loaned it to Vinu on the condition that I didn't even have money to go home and I told him my situation. Well as it turned out the money didn't come on time and I was so ill that I had to call my Dad over since I was too weak to travel alone.Thing is I never got the whole amount back in Cash. Rs. 500 Vinu bore for my birthday treat and Another Rs. 500 medical expenses and the Rs.200 I got in cash. Anyway that's that but next time I'll make sure nothing like this happens to me.(A lesson learnt and learnt well after coming to AAIDU.) I ain't finished with Tinu yet. This ($$^R&$&*^&$^&%*$&*$^#&%*&$&%*$#*&$&$$#%^) I'm running out of expletives to describe him. He came to my room one day I was lying in bed with 103 degrees fever and almost delirious. He comes and asks me Money for Malli Farewell. Broke that I was I told him my situation saying all my money had gone for the freshie diary...This asshole taking no sympathy on my condition in stentorian tones told me "I'll come tomorrow and I won't be asking you in the same tone that I asked you today". Delirious as I was I couldn't help but feel the lump in my throat and the hot tears that were flowing down my cheek onto the pillow where they stayed warm for long after...Here was a senior who I thought was my friend and he turned out like this??? I was like "crap man It'll be a long time before I trust any other senior in this university." Anyway what's the use in crying over spilt milk... THE FIRST YEARS:I will now proceed to describe the most,prodigious, hip and happening. interesting and always-in-the-news people who have make their mark in AAIDU history.Presenting from the first years........Sanju Vargeese [Background music (Canned applause, dog-calls, Sanju singing and braying donkeys)]Let me start with my illustrious batchmate Sanju Vargeese (he was the reason I got introduced to the third years in the first place)Sanju Vargeese is a precocious,jovial,happy,cheerful,Handsome,stylish,fashionable,charming,friendly,secure about himself, self-confident and and.... I'm running out of sarcastic adjectives to describe him.Well I think you got the picture...No you didn't get the picture. He is the only guy in the whole University I'd bash up anytime without any reason because his existence is reason enough for him to get thrashed. God sent him on the wrong planet I reckon. All he does is waste the oxygen on this planet. God should have sent him to venus instead considering all the vitriol he spews from his tongue (Vitriol is Sulphuric acid, one of the main contituents of the Rain Clouds of Venus. Blue Vitriol is Copper Sulphate and Green Vitriol is Ferrous Sulphate.(this was for the edification of the reader))If you are wondering why my comments are so acerbic and dilutely acidic that is because I know the guy from the Second day of coming to the University itself(He was my room mate ("oh how can I forget the ignominy and the shame I'll have to live with for the rest of my life.It will be a permanent blot on my spotless modesty") and He instinctively did some things that I didn't like...For instance before coming to this University I was what Nimmy calls an "Avishya Kristhiani" which in Malayalam means "A Christian only in supplication". Well I wasn't an opportunistic Christian but I had my lines drawn between Religion,Science and Rationality. I never tried and never let anyone try to synthesise my scientific temperament with religion.I very firmly believed that God would help you do this much and the rest had to be done by you. For I am very proud here to state that I'm the only child of a love marriage that has seen 21 years of hardship,joy,suffering,Familial rejection, social ostracisation for being out of synch with the times.My Dad is from a purely Hindu Family and I'm glad that he made the decision to disobey his family and follow his Heart. My mom is a Roman Catholic and from a Family where there are 12 siblings of which around 7 are girls.I just think Mom's family was glad to get her married off(saves them a lot of trouble.She was the youngest in the family.)And so coming back I'm proud to say that I'm a product of a mixed religion marriage and I find that I have a much broader and more tolerant view of other religions. I've been exposed to the Malayalee culture very well and gotten to visit temples take part in religious functions and all. You see at that time when I was very young I had this feeling that I was a part of both the religions and that I could choose what I wanted to be. I was a Hindu when I went to my Dad's place which was in Kannur (Cannanore for Nimmy's sake). I used to say all the Hindu prayers and go visit the oracles and pray during the Lamp lighting at dusk and say the words Rama Rama repeatedly with all my cousins who are Hindu ofcourse (My Dad turned out to be the only radical in his family). And then we would take the lamp outside keep it there for sometime and then put it back in. At my mom's place I was the Nice Catholic Boy who went to church said the prayers Morning-evening and celebrated Christmas with all the fun and spirit.So atleast until I was fifteen I was what you could say flexible. And the fact that it pleased everybody made me more glad to continue it.And even after being Confirmed in Christ I still believe that what really matters and what makes you a true Christian is your deeds not your faith (I advise all who contest this claim to read James the whole of it as it is short,concise and to the point on this regard). There is absolutely no point in going into Church and steadfastly praying to God and then coming right out of Church, starting to bitch about the rest of the world.And wearing revealing clothes to church is definitely something I don't agree with. I'm not a purist or anything but this is sacrilege. You go to church to pray, not to show someone that you are wearing white frill-lace panties.So enough said about my principles regarding religion.I'll get back to the glorious Sanju Vargeese.My "Hybrid" Birth was somewhat of a problem with Sanju vargeese he threw doubts on me and would debate publicly during prayers and challenge my faith. At first I didn't take it as much of an affront because frankly speaking after coming to this university I've met people who go into a trance-like state with all the religious fervour. They listen to Christian songs, sing Christian songs and are so totally into this brand of praising and worshipping God. After seeing all these people I sometimes did wonder that was I even Christian at all. I mean I was never really into all of this except at Christeen retreats so I did have doubts about myself until...Well it was just another of those days Sanju was in a surly, sour mood and frustrated because he found that he just couldn't confound me with his "extensive" vocabulary. Somehow he again started off with the "you are not a Christian crap". I was like "Go To Hell Sanju I'm glad I'm atleast not a Christian like you" and he said "Well that can only be expected of you. You're a hybrid".The way he said it. It was like he was a dog, a pedigree one at that(A bulldog, he resembles it too. I wouldn't insult the Hutch pug by any comparisons although Sanju is just as ugly) and I was a common mongrel.Till this day I wonder why I didn't smash his nose to the other side of his head(sigh..)Maybe if I had done it so many things would'nt have happened he wouldn't have been the tattle-tale, blabber-mouth that he is now. He wouldn't have abused Supriya. (He did that in front of me and Rohit one morning and I again wondered why I did not launch his teeth into his medulla oblongata at that time because maybe the poor kid doesn't have a clue to what he is saying he just tries to say things which make him appear to be cool.Like abusing a senior as if somehow that was a great thing to do. Kind of makes you pity him, but then again it is like pitying a blind Cobra (it can still infra-red you out and kill you). I mean if I'd say something bad about someone I should be able to say the same thing in front of that person. Else what I say isn't criticism but plain bitching.And another time when he said "You know what Abhilash you don't deserve all this knowledge you've got. This was the time when I felt like smashing his eggs into ommlettes.(Although I seriously doubt if he has any (cause I bet he doesn't have the balls to say infront of Supriya what he said to us(plus once I had kicked him there and nothing happened)).Anyway for once I was stupified because I could clearly see this guy had no idea of what he was saying. As if he was the only person in this world who by the right of his birth had secured the rights to possessing all the knowledge in this world. Mo other person in this world could be privileged enough to be as knowledgeable as he was.My response simply was that:
Sanju you are a dumbass
and you can kiss my black Hairy ass
Sanju blushed after hearing this (not due to the abuses rather due to the inadvertent rhyming).Atleast he appreciates poetry)
During the first three months he would pick fights and find opportunities to abuse me with the choicest of English abuses I wish he knew that Columbans after coming from high school usually had a Ph.D in English Abuses with proper accent etc. unlike Sanju who sounded weird while abusing exactly like a donkey trying to sing Sweet child of Mine (no insults intended to GNR).I mean you should hear the guy sing, He does a favour to the praise and worship group by forgetting to switch on the mike while singing. His voice possesses the quality of a Kahler tremolo arm on a bass guitar. His voice trembles with heavy bass and he produces an ululating sound in bass mode. I can do a pretty good imitation of it [so Reba says].To get an idea of his voice it can be compared to Usha Uthup moaning while having an orgasm.(see this is how much I have been perverted by the Malli community)Anyway talented singer that he is I won't grudge him his place in the sun. He has extreme control over his voice or so Rohit says.More about how this guy made it his business to make my life miserable. Somehow this guy had gotten friendly with Reba and he was like " she was on the train with me to Bhilai and she is a very nice person vivacious,bubbly champagne jackfruit,mango etc." already I knew Reba by her reputation rather than anything else and that she was the most sought after female in the university and I joked to him saying "I can get her to like me in less than 30 seconds" The look on his face and the words that followed were like "she is too outgoing and you can't date her she is not at all your type" She won't fall for you" I mean I could plainly see that this guy had a crush on her and he was most positively scared of the idea that I should ever get close to her.At that time I didn't know any of the THIRD years except Sharief who I had never talked to and only smiled at whenever I met him.(That very day Tinu p Titus extensively interrogated me on my links with him and other crap and warnings like he was a bad guy and to stay away from him).I'll write more later after I get permission from people to write about them like some third years are really touchy about publicity. Any way until then...Whoa! whoa! wait If somebody asks me if I have anything against Sanju all I would say was.."Why oh Why this one??why was it was the chosen one??Out of the millions why only this one??Why was this spermthe lucky bag of fertilised fertilizer" (He's full of Bullshit, you know)If you even slightly feel that I hate Sanju feel free to mail me My email address is somewhereibelong31@rediffmail.com post anything you want included as a special contribution on any other senior you want me to write colourfully about.Feedback is encouraged and plz write the subject i.e. feedback,suggestion,general,appreciation etc.Signing out...Mischievous and innocent smiles all yours
Gangu12:45 PM 6/10/2006
Saturday, June 10, 2006
8:25 PM 6/9/2006
Hi I'm Abhilash Gangadharan and I'd like to introduce myself before I officially start blogging.
I'm a "normal" 19 year old guy doing B.Tech Biotechnology Genetic Engineering in A.A.I.D.U which is my college and as it should be obvious until otherwise stated all events mentioned here would have taken place in the university as I'll be spending the next three years of my life there.
I'm a malayalee and as all ex AAIDUites as well as the present ones would know.I'm a part of the Malli Community. No greater dubious honour could have been bestowed on me. I was introduced on the first day itself to the community very subtly without being made aware that there was an organization as such. I was shown what was apparently to turn out in the weeks to follow a mere facade. The Mallis lived as one big happy family with everyone looking out for everyone else and the juniors(2nd yrs) affectionately referring to the seniors as Aliyan(means sister's Husband).The juniors walked with the seniors hands on shoulder. All very buddy-buddy which was the rosy side of the picture, The Dark Side Of The Moon ala Pink Floyd was yet to come.
I bumped into the Floyd ideal very soon. Second day of going into class and while coming back we bumped into one of our seniors Deepak Babu and another senior 2 inches shorter than me with a face that truly was... well the dark side of the moon. If you haven't understood yet well I think the two things Neil Armstrong said after landing on the moon verbatim was"A small step for man and a giant leap for mankind" and "Gosh the moon is full of holes!! it looks smooth and pretty only from far off!!". Well so now that you might've comprehended and contemplated the personal beauty of this imperious female who goes by the name of Anu Joseph and is renowned for her dancing skills, ability to manipulate innocent and unsuspecting Direct Keralas with her child-like innocence (she can be charming sometimes) and having Jithin Sam George under the tip of her thumb.
Well I should stop being unfair to girls shouldn't I?? Well let's talk about my seniors.
The first Malli senior we met was a second year Electronics student masquerading as a First year. During our ragging time this guy was one of the three people in the catharsis\counsellor team he went by the name Jacob Mathew for us but for all practical purposes he went by the Name Alexander George James Bond 007 The Spy.
To put it straight he was a barometer cum informer to inform our torturers whether there was an mass uprising of any sort and to read the general sentiment of the group. He faithfully reported all that we people did and if we ever did bitch about them .
Took us a month and a half to find the worm but by then it was too little too late.He is a nice guy generally as we found after freshie tea and minds his own business and doesn't give much priority to the community as compared to Tinu P Titus.
He is one wheezing,brain-washed misguided direct Keralite All-For-Community kind of person who has been very conveniently short sightened by THE GREAT Mr. Jojo Joseph also referred to affectionately as Varkey by TPT(i.e. Tinu P Titus). Tinu has been so inspired and Lobotomally Surf Excel-led by Jojo that I guess he is ready to leave his family and settle with the community if he sees it as a good thing for the community. I have many bones to pick with him... I'll pick it later you see I have all the space in the blog to bitch(truthfully ofcourse) about him later.As the chain-linking process continues let me describe JOJO THE GREAT.
Jojo joseph was the first senior in the Malli group of fourth years to adopt me and become my Godfather. I think he took sympathy to my behavior then. During ragging time I was this dim-witted boy who did not understand explicit sex-talk and was thought to be uneducated in all worldly matters as well.My suggestions were never taken seriously ofcourse and all senior thought I was dumb and No Fun to rag since I was as meek as a cow and obeyed their every instruction including one to eat a fly. They dared me and I simply swatted one and popped it into my mouth. The look of revulsion and sudden fear that came and went on their faces in succession I shall not forget.One second they were goading me to eat the fly and in the next pleading begging in panicky tones to spit it out and go gargle and sanitise my mouth. After that nobody as much thought of giving me any such challenges as they knew I would be game.So no one really knew what I was upto. I was as much a dimwit infront of my batch mates as in front of the seniors and nobody really knew what was in my mind.
Jojo if you leave aside his propensity to intensely hate women and have an extreme aversion to outgoing females(read Supriya Alex) he is a kind of nice guy. You spend half an hour alone talking to him and he'll brainwash you so well you won't realize until it's too late ofcourse. I don't know how he does the brain-washing but a couple of pointers I've picked are...
1. He placates your ego first and makes you realize that you are the most important person in the world. Not only to yourself but you are important to other people in the world as well and that your opinion about any subject matters to Jojo The Great(even if he doesn't give two hoots to what you are saying).
2. By this time you are sufficiently in awe of him and then he brings God into the picture.He makes you realize(as if you didn't already know) that God has created you for a specific purpose in this world and it is your duty to fulfill it.
3.Then he somehow convinces you (I still haven't figured how he does this) that your duty somehow lies in doing work for the community.HE'll tell you that the community is your family for the next four years and that everything you do should and must benefit the community,And then he goes on to bring God into this again saying that God wants you to uphold the community it's honour and pride are the community members and that they should not do anything unbecoming to the community(for example talking to Out Of Community Seniors).
A small note on his good qualities. The man is an excellent artist and possesses a high degree of creative ability and imagianation and makes life like pictures if only the talent was channelled to a more useful purpose...Chain-linking continues
Deepak Samuel- you know sometimes it happens that you sit down to write about a person and words fail you. I mean that guy is such a dick that I doubt if he has one. If I had to choose between shooting a rabid dog and Dickpak AssMule I would shoot Deepak coz he is a person who'll drive you insane by playing on your emotions and mind and totally psyche you out. Unlike the rabies virus which penetrates the blood brain barrier and infects your brain and drives you mad. (And then ofcourse the rabid dog, double barrel shotgun eh??)
So I think you get an idea of the person that he is.
No you still don't see He has a Ph.D in exploitation He thinks girls are only for use and throw (kariyam sadhichu kazhinitu)Well Ansa Raju is one lucky female [With The Swiiiingiing Hipps] I'd rather call her "The Swinging Hippopotamus" and a short poem dedicated to her
Edi Ansa Rajuay
Curly Hair
Very Unfair
Eyes are Black
Buns are Slack
Ass is too
Both aren't lovely
And have curly black hair too
Erepalli Words-worthless Shortfellow a.k.a Deepak Samuel
As you see this poem has a rhyming scheme of ABBCCDAD which is totally irrelevant in the present circumstances but for reader edification this much I simblee have to do... The guy will never keep his word guaranteed and he is a cut-throat competitor and doesn't forgive easily He'll act all close to you and everything. At the crucial point he'll pull out the rug from under your feet and give you a kick in the ass.(I wanna see the day he kicks Ansa Raju he'll rebound to the other end of the Universe (Perfectly elastic collision with an object much heavier that the colliding object causes the colliding object to reverse direction completely and rebound according to Conservation of momentum principle).
Don't feel like writing much about him because it's bringing back bad memories. All I have to say is that he is one person I'd maintain a distance of a couple of Parsecs. Before I go any further on the sordid and morbid discussions about the insanitites,inanities,assoholism and dick headedness of my seniors as well as the Malli community I'd like to make one thing very, very crystal clear.
I'm not prejudiced...I have been on both the sides and that too deeply involved. I have been a die-hard patriot of the community (nims deja vu eh?)and repeatedly and regrettably been a champion opposer of any attempts by my batchmates to leave the community(again deja vu). I have actually spent time(rather wasted) convincing them that the community is good for them and that we should stay in the community for our own good.After seeing the bad side of being in the community and being disappointed and driven to the edge of reason after seeing the underhand vested interests in the scheme of things and the total general lack of morality and behavioral inpropriety in front of the people we look upto.I left..
To tell the truth I got tired of hearing the same sex-talk about girls the crude innuendoes and dirty comments that they used to describe girls while ogling at them on Lovers Lane during DT time. I never used to go for this Malli activity as I thought it personally degrading to myself and my capabilities which I can confidently say that I could go up to any of these chicks they would ogle at and start a conversation and become friends.Wouldn't take me five minutes.(I'm charming enough...Nimmy will testify to it..).
I mean talking about female body parts 4y x 12m x 365d x 24h x 60m x 3600s was not what I had in mind when I came to this University. I did have a desire to study and do something useful coz in school I was this totally vella kind of guy who did everything else other than study and I did want to do something useful...I tried to distance myself from the community I became friendly with a nice second year guy Aaron James. I reckon I became his chief technical advisor after I fixed his amplifier for him and he let me have a free hand on all the components he had.
And I used to spend more and more time at his room. Aaron, Enoch, Rohan, Ebenezer, Ashish Das and Lun had this rock band called Elektra and they used to start at evening 7pm and go on till 2am with practice. Trying to get sleep was hard enough but when I heard them singing the song Numb(Linkin Park) off-scale I was outraged and banged outside their door and demanded to be let in and I told them either they sing the song right or not make noise.(You see I was getting to listen to rock after a long time and I didn't mind skipping sleep for it. I was let into the room and allowed a place to sit and except for occasionally going out to fill water I had nothing much to do except hear the songs and have a nice time.Then two nights later I got and opportunity to sing Numb with instruments et al I did the rap and the other vocals all alone that's when I found out that I could actually sing on track speed and sounded good too. That's because all of them were looking at me in a daze and congratulating me and slapping my back and all. Honestly after a long time it felt nice to be appreciated...Through Aarun I met Anant Bhaiya. One day Aarun told me that Anant wanted my soldering machine. I told him that I don't know his room plus it was ragging time and We had been forbidden to roam around in NH. He told me NH 76 and to get there fast. I went ther and knocked once the door slid half open Bhaiya's(that's how I'll refer to him in the rest of the article) head popped out. He took the soldering machine and I left.Next day I needed the machine and it wasn't back yet from 76 I went to Aarun and asked him. He told me to go to Bhaiya's room. I followed his advice and went there. He was still using it and trying to solder a guitar lead. I watched for a couple of minutes and then I asked him whether I could do it. He said " Beta bacchon ka kaam nahin hai " but anyway he gave me a try and I finished it in 30 secs. He said "beta ab thu he hamare sare lead teekh karega". That way I became his official repairman. Once I skipped lunch to fix 8 guitar leads from the scratch!!. 8 guitar leads is 2 jacks per lead and 2 solderings per jack that is 32 solderings!! man and that too from scratch. But that's when we got talking. He asked me whether I was being ragged.
Cautious that I was I replied "yeah a bit". He looked at me with a sardonic smile and told me " Beta sab patha hai hamein. Yahan malliyon ki sabse zyaada ragging hothi hai ". That's when I comprehended and I was stunned...Everything hit me all at once and I couldn't handle it. I went back to soldering (lead, tin and tears) and silently contemplated what I had heard. Bhaiya left and I finally figured out something that had been staring at me in the face only I had been so blind to it. We had been subjugated and brain-washed to believe that we were being ragged the least. Everything that we had been told by Mallis was a lie. The North Indians were the Nicest people around and the Mallis were the villians. Anyway I started planning on how to get out of the mess I was in..First thing I did was I told my Dad everything. Later when our seniors asked us whether we had told our parents I raised my hand, Deepak Samuel asked what all did I tell. I was like "everything including the Lewd malli songs you taught us". A sudden silence descended on the room sabki fatti thi yeh toh mooh pe saaf dikh raha tha. Dikpak AssMule managed to croak "Everything??". I bestowed all of them with one of my most classic, innocent broad smiles that so many people like (Sharief bhaiya,Smiley,Bincy,Rebecca,Supriya and Nimmy). But for a moment they recovered saying " You are fooling us aren't you??". Once again my "I'm innocent and I'm an angel" smile came to my rescue.My seniors looked positively horrified and they all came later for private sessions later and asked me what I had said to my father about all of them. Man I thoroughly enjoyed that and also watching all my seniors go into hiding as soon as they saw my Dad on LL. I mean Man it was Fun, loads of Fun. for once I managed to get back at them completely...
MY "GETTING OUT" PROCESS
I became friendly with Anant Bhaiya and used to go in and have a talk. He was another reason I didn't go insane during ragging time. Man one funny guy he was with all the jokes and anecdotes he made me even forget that I was with a senior. For the first time I felt totally comfortable and I let the real me come out. The one I had been hiding under the cover of being an idiotic bumpkin. I used to go to his room more often and once Dikpack AssMule saw me and that day he strictly forbade me to go. For a week due to the ragging I couldn't go and I was again bordering on the edge when in a very pleasant suprise atleast to me Anant bhaiya came to OH 15 we were all being ragged. Bhaiya understood, he had just come to take the soldering machine but seeing me he called me and told them he had work for me. No one objected and I went with him to his room. There he gave me work and entertained me as well. We both knew that he had just saved my ass from ragging there. Something I can never be thankful enough for.... He gave me advice on how to deal with them and gave me an environment. Sitting in his room and with him telling me all the stories about the Third years and everything I found that I wasn't at all attached to the community it was just that I had been conditioned to believe that I wasn't capable of independent existence. Anant bhaiya was and will always be my favourite senior(I'm not kissing his ass and neither do I need to) not because he gifted me with a Fender plectrum but because he was the eye-opener for me and made m feel useful atleast in a small way. Cause once I asked him to pay me for repairing the leads and he told me that those leads were for praise and worship and that I was doing it for God. For the first time I felt so nice and important.This guy actually made me feel that my talents were useful and that I could do something constructive.Those bloody mallis whenever they used to see me at work with the solder iron they would be like why the hell did you take biotech? you oombald biotech is useless (jackfruit,mango) and all that I mean no appreciation only deprecation that's what the community does to inspired Mallis.
HOW DOES THE COMMUNITY SUBJUGATE YOU?
Another thing the community does to make you stay in it is convince you that you cannot do anything on your own you'll need the community's help for it. Every talent of yours is useless if the community does not appreciate it and your talent talent cannot acquire and fame or glory for you if it is not presented at any public function under the banner of Malli Community (Action Squad). So for the first time when I got appreciation I was honestly amazed cause my self-esteem had been made so low (without my knowledge) even though I had a cover of being a dumbass that I felt touched by the appreciation and then it didn't take me too long to realize that the community had been using the same tactics to break us down that were used in Auschwitz concentration camps during Adolf Hitler's dictatorship which were...
1. Being present with us 24x7 and never leaving us alone so that we might be able to think for ourselves and figure out what was happening to us.
2. Depriving us of the 8hrs of sleep that are so essential for any brain to be able to process efficiently.
3. Using Double Speak(for references please read 1984-George Orwell) to confuse and confound us.
4. Blurring the lines between right and wrong.
5. Thinking for us instead of letting us think for ourselves
6. Endless hours of Physical torture of the Imaginary Chair and Sit-up's.
7. Physical Intimidation and The I'm Right You're Wrong I'm Big you're small I'm Smart you're dumb kind of verbal degradation.
8. Telling us about the world outside which was according to them filled with homosexuals who would rag us and rape us or something like that which made much more effect.
9. We were also told that ragging was the only way to get friendly with the Juniors and that the more you got ragged by a senior the more friendly you would get with him. Well this might be true for psyching but physical ragging atleast for me has left me blindly hating the individuals and
10. Prejudicing you about the rest of the world and telling you repeatedly that the community is the best thing that could ever happen to you.
11. Systematically they isolate you from all your North Indian friends by sticking around with you longer and longer and then calling you away from your North Indian friends at which point due to the loyalty to community clause you have to leave your friends and follow them.This requirement had caused a lot of resentment among my friends but when I told them about my situation even they were like "Tell the community to Fuck off We people are there for you" Wish I Had followed their advice then..
12. They create misunderstandings between you and your batchmates and create an intricate web of plottings that can very easily damage friendships that you've made recently.They do this by creating an atmosphere of distrust between you and your batchmates so that none of you trust each other and all of you stay divided and Divided you fall..I had endured ragging very meekly without protest because I had somewhat been convinced by Jojo and Co. that all this torture and ragging actually builds character and makes you stronger and more emotionally stable.(My ass, All it did was leave scars).And for once I wished after coming to this university to talk something meaningful to someone. Find someone who shared my interests and had the same plane of thought.... Delhi had been so much more easier the people there were modern enough so that you would have atleast one topic in common to talk about but here all the Direct Kerala Malli seniors could talk about seemed to be either female biology or plain bullshit.I was lucky enough to meet this senior in the fourth week itself cause if I hadn't met him I would have gone insane. His name was Jijo and although he had been present every day of the ragging time I hadn't gotten friendly with him or anything cause he is a reserved kind of guy.Well this is how we became friendly. Once I was alone in the room and enjoying some peace and having a chance to be myself for a change and I was singing Dream Theater's Pull Me Under. Suddenly this guy comes in and I get up to wish him and then continue with my song and then suddenly becoming self-aware I stopped. He was listening intently and then he asked me what song I had been singing. I replied thinking "What does this guy know about metal well anyway just for his edification and knowledge I'll tell him "Pull me Under" I replied. He asked me for the band I replied Dream Theater. He was amazed for a second and then He asked me "you listen to Metal?" with quiet reservation I said "YES" he was like "man you are my brother from today you are the first person I met in the batch who listens to metal".Then we got talking about out favorite songs and rock bands as it turned out he was an aspiring rocker and was learning how to play the guitar and figuring out leads. He wasn't very good at it back then but now two semesters later I can rank him as one of the top 10 guitarists in AAIDU and he is learning fast... Anyways we got talking and he did not rag me or anything he told me that all he wanted was to be friendly with the juniors and he was waiting for ragging time to end so that he could freely interact with all of them anyway he was quite free with me and before long we got talking about our lives and he told me about his brother Rejo who was an excellent guitarist as well(mind you this is no exaggeration for all those who've heard Cemetery Gates by Pantera this guy can play the whole lead at track speed and he's talented with music sense as well).Well as things turned out Jijo was a loner and preferred the company of his guitar. Me and him used to sit for hours discussing music and singing songs.Music provided me the comfort I needed and an outlet for all the despair in me. With him I forgot all about ragging and all the pain and I just enjoyed music. I had a good ear for guitar leads and i would tell him about where something was missing or going wrong and in turn he taught me to sing in timing with the songs rhythms he was playing. Little did I know that this would be the beginnings of the association that would lead to the eventual formation of our band DisTuned formerly named Fret Buzz...Enough said about this now I'll come to the band later...So this guy was the first person in AAIDU to know that I wasn't as dumb as I affected because as metal heads would agree, listening to metal takes lots of brains and if you have none to spare you better avoid it.The second person who took pity on my lack of dignity and self-respect, and apparently low self-esteem,self-deprecating and degrading table manners and habits was Bonny Babychen. He also became my Godfather
(Before I go any further I would like to publicise my illustrious list of Godfathers.In sequential order it goes Jojo Joseph,Bonny Babychen, Anish Baby,Jijo,Sreejith)In AAIDu there is a proverb, modified ofcourse "A junior is known by the godfathers he keeps". I was the first one to have more than one godfather and I'll tell you. No more did I want this honour than to have cows fly.When I presented this list of Godfathers to the Third Years (2005-06) then their eyes narrowed and I was regarded very suspiciously by all of them.
Bonny Babychen was down in the dumps and in total despair when I met him. His girl friend had just become his ex-girlfriend and the constant teasing and taunting by the second years wasn't exactly helping him. I played a role I often had to play in Delhi. The role of"She-ditched-me-now what-should-I-do" Counselor. It was from this guy that I got my first description of the "smart","sexy","sensous",Seven who called themselves the Lethal Seven. Seven I don't doubt that they are but lethal???phuleeez I can make those girls blush and change colour faster than a female octopus in heat, which for the record has eight legs with parasitic sucker cups(and are hermaphroditic meaning they can change sex {Reba told me this I'm not really sure but she is usually always right in whatever she says.}The tentacles function might quite accurately describe Rachna, Anu, Divya, Diana, Shino, Shincy and Shiljo. Well for all practical purposes it may be safely assumed that the "Lethal" Seven is nothing more dangerous than a handicapped octopus.(Again for the edification of the readers I might add that a seven tentacled octopus can also kill by pulling you underwater.) So they are to be handled with care.Come to think of it I personally like only two people in the Seven. Shino is nice, atleast to me and so is Shiljo. Shincy I don't know very well. About the rest of them. Everything can be heard off the record if you come to AAIDU!!
Footnote: Only one of the lethal Seven has exhibited the hermaphroditic,transvestite phenomenon and that was Shino who twirled Anu around like a Top much like the way Anu twirls Jithin at the tip of her little finger at the Karale ente Karalinte Karale dance on the Malli Farewell Yatramuzhi. In that she dressed up as a male artiste and looked amazingly He-eish. I'll keep you updated on any moustaches they grow. Among 2nd year males.Jomi is one nice guy and Nimmy's downtrodden brother. The guy is very friendly and a lovable chap. Tech savvy he is.He was the one who taught me all the Cellphone tech. He is the drummer of our band and he is learning fast. I personally haven't found any faults with him and He is one of those people who have become profound thinkers after coming to this place. I'd trust him with anything which is a lot more than I would like to say about the rest of themSreejith likes coffee(malli slang for rear nookie)Reji Thomas is one fun guy to be around I mean I can spend any amount of time with him and not be bored if he wasn't so addicted to nicotine. He'll make you laugh by making caricatures of all the Seniors and Juniors and teachers. The way he attacks the Lethal Seven is outrageous I mean he can imitate Divya's voice and Anu's actions. He is the second victim that I know of the Lethal Seven and neither do I need to mention who the tentacle was...(Gladwin would know). He is the only guy in second year I know who knows Nimmy Eapen and likes her too and thinks that she is the best (ahem..) Girl in the whole of Malli girls(1st-4th years).Johnson Samuel is from Nagaland and knows a lot of the North-East languages. He is a great follower of Marquis de Sade.I don't know much about him except that he minds his own business and is a good rhythm guitarist and also our band member. I don't care what people say but the guy is really friendly to me so for me he is a nice guy.Shinu is a pastor's son and shows all signs of fighting off his inherited holy halo. He along with Alex Oomen one Sunday they kept Unholy the Day Of The Sabbath. Nobody will ever forget it because the facts were made public on the day of the Malli Farewell.Sujith- I've never been very close to him or anything and all I can say is he is too religious. I mean remember that I mentioned earlier that I don't blur the lines between faith,science and rationality. Well this guy brings God into everything. Not that I mind, I mean to each man his own degree of faith.What business do I have commenting on it???Bonny is an excellent vocalist ala GNR William Axl Rose in Knockin On Heaven's door. Personally being my Godfather and my best senior there in AAIDU I should refrain from praising him since that might make me look prejudiced. But He is a nice guy and the only person I really care about because once when I had fever and I couldn't eat anything because I was too weak to go even to the mess. This guy fed me with his own hands mashed potatoes and Roti that is one thing I can never forget that not even one senior cared and this guy took care of me that day and gave me cold presses and medicines. I could go on writing about him but for the purpose of this blog I would consider it unsuitable.Tinu P Titus yeah now I come to the point where I can pick a bone with him. This @$$#0!e took my Solo pocket file and hasn't returned it yet.Now there is this phenomemon called the Freshie Diary which has to made strictly in according to MSO-0420 specifications (Malli Suckers Organisation). The specifications are Bond paper, Hardback covering, Border decorations on every page and Golden Spiral Binding. Well the cost was to be borne equally by all, but the initial cost had to borne by somebody and unwillingly I was the idiot dragged into it...1200 Rupees!!! can you imagine for one stupid Diary and I had loaned it to Vinu on the condition that I didn't even have money to go home and I told him my situation. Well as it turned out the money didn't come on time and I was so ill that I had to call my Dad over since I was too weak to travel alone.Thing is I never got the whole amount back in Cash. Rs. 500 Vinu bore for my birthday treat and Another Rs. 500 medical expenses and the Rs.200 I got in cash. Anyway that's that but next time I'll make sure nothing like this happens to me.(A lesson learnt and learnt well after coming to AAIDU.) I ain't finished with Tinu yet. This ($$^R&$&*^&$^&%*$&*$^#&%*&$&%*$#*&$&$$#%^) I'm running out of expletives to describe him. He came to my room one day I was lying in bed with 103 degrees fever and almost delirious. He comes and asks me Money for Malli Farewell. Broke that I was I told him my situation saying all my money had gone for the freshie diary...This asshole taking no sympathy on my condition in stentorian tones told me "I'll come tomorrow and I won't be asking you in the same tone that I asked you today". Delirious as I was I couldn't help but feel the lump in my throat and the hot tears that were flowing down my cheek onto the pillow where they stayed warm for long after...Here was a senior who I thought was my friend and he turned out like this??? I was like "crap man It'll be a long time before I trust any other senior in this university." Anyway what's the use in crying over spilt milk... THE FIRST YEARS:I will now proceed to describe the most,prodigious, hip and happening. interesting and always-in-the-news people who have make their mark in AAIDU history.Presenting from the first years........Sanju Vargeese [Background music (Canned applause, dog-calls, Sanju singing and braying donkeys)]Let me start with my illustrious batchmate Sanju Vargeese (he was the reason I got introduced to the third years in the first place)Sanju Vargeese is a precocious,jovial,happy,cheerful,Handsome,stylish,fashionable,charming,friendly,secure about himself, self-confident and and.... I'm running out of sarcastic adjectives to describe him.Well I think you got the picture...No you didn't get the picture. He is the only guy in the whole University I'd bash up anytime without any reason because his existence is reason enough for him to get thrashed. God sent him on the wrong planet I reckon. All he does is waste the oxygen on this planet. God should have sent him to venus instead considering all the vitriol he spews from his tongue (Vitriol is Sulphuric acid, one of the main contituents of the Rain Clouds of Venus. Blue Vitriol is Copper Sulphate and Green Vitriol is Ferrous Sulphate.(this was for the edification of the reader))If you are wondering why my comments are so acerbic and dilutely acidic that is because I know the guy from the Second day of coming to the University itself(He was my room mate ("oh how can I forget the ignominy and the shame I'll have to live with for the rest of my life.It will be a permanent blot on my spotless modesty") and He instinctively did some things that I didn't like...For instance before coming to this University I was what Nimmy calls an "Avishya Kristhiani" which in Malayalam means "A Christian only in supplication". Well I wasn't an opportunistic Christian but I had my lines drawn between Religion,Science and Rationality. I never tried and never let anyone try to synthesise my scientific temperament with religion.I very firmly believed that God would help you do this much and the rest had to be done by you. For I am very proud here to state that I'm the only child of a love marriage that has seen 21 years of hardship,joy,suffering,Familial rejection, social ostracisation for being out of synch with the times.My Dad is from a purely Hindu Family and I'm glad that he made the decision to disobey his family and follow his Heart. My mom is a Roman Catholic and from a Family where there are 12 siblings of which around 7 are girls.I just think Mom's family was glad to get her married off(saves them a lot of trouble.She was the youngest in the family.)And so coming back I'm proud to say that I'm a product of a mixed religion marriage and I find that I have a much broader and more tolerant view of other religions. I've been exposed to the Malayalee culture very well and gotten to visit temples take part in religious functions and all. You see at that time when I was very young I had this feeling that I was a part of both the religions and that I could choose what I wanted to be. I was a Hindu when I went to my Dad's place which was in Kannur (Cannanore for Nimmy's sake). I used to say all the Hindu prayers and go visit the oracles and pray during the Lamp lighting at dusk and say the words Rama Rama repeatedly with all my cousins who are Hindu ofcourse (My Dad turned out to be the only radical in his family). And then we would take the lamp outside keep it there for sometime and then put it back in. At my mom's place I was the Nice Catholic Boy who went to church said the prayers Morning-evening and celebrated Christmas with all the fun and spirit.So atleast until I was fifteen I was what you could say flexible. And the fact that it pleased everybody made me more glad to continue it.And even after being Confirmed in Christ I still believe that what really matters and what makes you a true Christian is your deeds not your faith (I advise all who contest this claim to read James the whole of it as it is short,concise and to the point on this regard). There is absolutely no point in going into Church and steadfastly praying to God and then coming right out of Church, starting to bitch about the rest of the world.And wearing revealing clothes to church is definitely something I don't agree with. I'm not a purist or anything but this is sacrilege. You go to church to pray, not to show someone that you are wearing white frill-lace panties.So enough said about my principles regarding religion.I'll get back to the glorious Sanju Vargeese.My "Hybrid" Birth was somewhat of a problem with Sanju vargeese he threw doubts on me and would debate publicly during prayers and challenge my faith. At first I didn't take it as much of an affront because frankly speaking after coming to this university I've met people who go into a trance-like state with all the religious fervour. They listen to Christian songs, sing Christian songs and are so totally into this brand of praising and worshipping God. After seeing all these people I sometimes did wonder that was I even Christian at all. I mean I was never really into all of this except at Christeen retreats so I did have doubts about myself until...Well it was just another of those days Sanju was in a surly, sour mood and frustrated because he found that he just couldn't confound me with his "extensive" vocabulary. Somehow he again started off with the "you are not a Christian crap". I was like "Go To Hell Sanju I'm glad I'm atleast not a Christian like you" and he said "Well that can only be expected of you. You're a hybrid".The way he said it. It was like he was a dog, a pedigree one at that(A bulldog, he resembles it too. I wouldn't insult the Hutch pug by any comparisons although Sanju is just as ugly) and I was a common mongrel.Till this day I wonder why I didn't smash his nose to the other side of his head(sigh..)Maybe if I had done it so many things would'nt have happened he wouldn't have been the tattle-tale, blabber-mouth that he is now. He wouldn't have abused Supriya. (He did that in front of me and Rohit one morning and I again wondered why I did not launch his teeth into his medulla oblongata at that time because maybe the poor kid doesn't have a clue to what he is saying he just tries to say things which make him appear to be cool.Like abusing a senior as if somehow that was a great thing to do. Kind of makes you pity him, but then again it is like pitying a blind Cobra (it can still infra-red you out and kill you). I mean if I'd say something bad about someone I should be able to say the same thing in front of that person. Else what I say isn't criticism but plain bitching.And another time when he said "You know what Abhilash you don't deserve all this knowledge you've got. This was the time when I felt like smashing his eggs into ommlettes.(Although I seriously doubt if he has any (cause I bet he doesn't have the balls to say infront of Supriya what he said to us(plus once I had kicked him there and nothing happened)).Anyway for once I was stupified because I could clearly see this guy had no idea of what he was saying. As if he was the only person in this world who by the right of his birth had secured the rights to possessing all the knowledge in this world. Mo other person in this world could be privileged enough to be as knowledgeable as he was.My response simply was that:
Sanju you are a dumbass
and you can kiss my black Hairy ass
Sanju blushed after hearing this (not due to the abuses rather due to the inadvertent rhyming).Atleast he appreciates poetry)
During the first three months he would pick fights and find opportunities to abuse me with the choicest of English abuses I wish he knew that Columbans after coming from high school usually had a Ph.D in English Abuses with proper accent etc. unlike Sanju who sounded weird while abusing exactly like a donkey trying to sing Sweet child of Mine (no insults intended to GNR).I mean you should hear the guy sing, He does a favour to the praise and worship group by forgetting to switch on the mike while singing. His voice possesses the quality of a Kahler tremolo arm on a bass guitar. His voice trembles with heavy bass and he produces an ululating sound in bass mode. I can do a pretty good imitation of it [so Reba says].To get an idea of his voice it can be compared to Usha Uthup moaning while having an orgasm.(see this is how much I have been perverted by the Malli community)Anyway talented singer that he is I won't grudge him his place in the sun. He has extreme control over his voice or so Rohit says.More about how this guy made it his business to make my life miserable. Somehow this guy had gotten friendly with Reba and he was like " she was on the train with me to Bhilai and she is a very nice person vivacious,bubbly champagne jackfruit,mango etc." already I knew Reba by her reputation rather than anything else and that she was the most sought after female in the university and I joked to him saying "I can get her to like me in less than 30 seconds" The look on his face and the words that followed were like "she is too outgoing and you can't date her she is not at all your type" She won't fall for you" I mean I could plainly see that this guy had a crush on her and he was most positively scared of the idea that I should ever get close to her.At that time I didn't know any of the THIRD years except Sharief who I had never talked to and only smiled at whenever I met him.(That very day Tinu p Titus extensively interrogated me on my links with him and other crap and warnings like he was a bad guy and to stay away from him).I'll write more later after I get permission from people to write about them like some third years are really touchy about publicity. Any way until then...Whoa! whoa! wait If somebody asks me if I have anything against Sanju all I would say was.."Why oh Why this one??why was it was the chosen one??Out of the millions why only this one??Why was this spermthe lucky bag of fertilised fertilizer" (He's full of Bullshit, you know)If you even slightly feel that I hate Sanju feel free to mail me My email address is somewhereibelong31@rediffmail.com post anything you want included as a special contribution on any other senior you want me to write colourfully about.Feedback is encouraged and plz write the subject i.e. feedback,suggestion,general,appreciation etc.Signing out...Mischievous and innocent smiles all yours
Gangu12:45 PM 6/10/2006
posted by Quicksilver at 7:13 AM
5 Comments:
A normal person never needs to say that he's normal, so a "normal" at the beginning of your self introduction makes it clear that you are trying hard to appear normal. It seems that you are very familiar and so fond with the shape, size and taste of the dick of all your seniors... good keep it up
gladiator
Yes, I probably wasn't very normal when I actually wrote this essay. That was a time of turmoil in more ways than one and you could probably say that this blog was a resolution to that. However to use that state of mind as a generalization and extrapolate it ahead in time makes no sense because I probably am more normal than you were at the time of posting your comment where you displayed such phallic affinities. By the way it is not "fond with", run your post through a word-processor before posting.
Dear freak, or rather Vijish
It is amazing how temporally disabled people are seeing that I wrote this blog probably before 2nd year of college (The first entry was a product of 4 hours of furious typing). It has been around since then and you speak of it as though I wrote it after college because I was too scared to have it up then. As for my ADD, I think you are mistaken as I was quite happy with all that I could do on my own and never relied on external attention to boost my feeling of self-worth.
Filtering through the expletives in your post, it makes me so happy you were fond of all the seniors who were mentioned in the blog. You may have noticed I haven't mentioned some seniors in a bad light at all. I did like them a lot and still have good memories of the time spent in their company. They were good people and not twisted, manipulative, hypocrites like the others. Without being too vindictive I'll just say that you never saw through them and life might have taken a different and possibly better trajectory from now if you had just done in college what was originally intended for you to do.
I'm pleasantly surprised you remember the UV lamp, despite all the angst you displayed in the post, something scientific was mentioned in the passing. However as in the previous post by gladiator as well as the next post by Job it is disturbing to see your attraction to everything phallic. It probably is a community thing if I rightly remember that everyone was obsessed with all things sexual.
If at all you achieved anything with your post that was to drive home the point I was making in this blog that the community was probably the most useless thing to have ever happened to all the Malayalees in AAIDU. All of you could have done much better with life with your own efforts rather than with the help of the community.
I could fill pages and pages with more stuff which would essentially just rub the old wounds raw. I won't do that however. I wish I could be more modest about this but it will probably not sound that way however so I write. I think I did much better in life without any "community help" than if I had any.
Dear Job
It doesn't really affect me whether you hate me more than before. Grow up, you're getting married soon before long. The propensity for swear-words after being in the Mallu community is understandable but I really feel I should commend you on learning all the Hindi swear-words, good on you man! I mean you didn't know a single hindi word when you came to college and now you've expanded your vocabulary so much! *backslap*
I'll re-iterate that this blog was written in your faces practically, in fact I remember your inquiry about this blog way back in second year. However it seems it took you an incredibly long time to find it.
I blogged to resolve the seething anger in my mind after I found out that all these "aliyans" of mine actually didn't give a damn ever and probably cared only about the money we would part with on the days of Onam or Vishu celebration. Go back and read the blog again if you didn't get it the first time. These people used us.
As if you ever responded to anything? Of course why would you respond when you were feeding off the community honey-pot yourself? Last I heard the community got you a job at Milma. Is that what makes you owe your allegiance to them?
There was an irony in the title which you missed, I have no illusions about being universally liked or loved. If writing a blog changes peoples feelings towards you then probably they were not very stable to begin with and therefore were dispensable. At the risk of sounding like a self-centered person which I never was back in AAIDU, I can safely say that all the people I never liked after knowing what they were really like are perfectly dispensable and my life is much enriched by their complete absence.
What I wrote to Vijish is to you as well and word-processor please... it's not "genious" or "mutured". Your rage unfortunately has borne testimony to the truth of everything I blogged.
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